Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Four minutes until I can fart!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
