I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
