I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
