my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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