Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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