I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
