just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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