Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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