New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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