Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
