it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
