so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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