I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
