Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
