I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
