Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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