my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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