new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
