dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
