Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
