i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
