I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
