dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
