I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
