My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
