Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
