Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
