And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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