my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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