i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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