u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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