Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
