On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
