I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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