i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
