ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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