I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
