I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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