Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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