So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
