Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
