I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So vagazzling was a success
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
