dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
