im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
