Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
