once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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