I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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