Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
