Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You were trust falling into bushes
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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