DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
