did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
third nipple confirmed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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