i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
