as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
